BY Mario A. Weir
It’s that time again, kids! Time to stock up on #2 pencils, marble books and Trapper Keepers and rejoin the mass of struggling identities in a sea of cliques. In an effort to help you better understand the subtle social dynamics of the educational experience, we’ve put together a list of our favorite student archetypes – and the underwear best suited for them.
Want to be in the club? Timoteo offers exclusive access to the in-crowd with their ClubHouse brief. Made from 96% cotton and 4% spandex, the exceptional fit and stretch make these the perfect gear for the carb-fed athlete to sport while elbowing dweebs into lockers. Briefs feature the sexy open back of Timoteo’s popular Athlete Jock, but with more thigh and frontal coverage. The attractive black-side panels with white trim and a grey pouch are topped off with Timoteo’s red, white and black waistband and a patch bearing the sporty Timoteo logo. The gear looks extra sporty worn alone with a letterman jacket.
You know the type: He expertly juggles his role as hall monitor with duties as head of the Gay-Straight Alliance, member of the student council and captain of the fencing team, among his many other activities. For the upstanding student with the stellar extracurricular record and the aspiration to become class president at any cost, Studwear presents its Brandon Brief, a low-rise trunk with front contoured pouch, white waistband, grey piping and the patented Stud International print in white on the left side. In these briefs, you will get the job done.
For the guys that missed Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” anti-drug program of the ‘80s, Addicted offers its basic brief made from 95% cotton and 5% spandex. The low-cut and snug grip of the brief is badass, but what’s most smoking is the provocative waistband that boldly and unapologetically declares what everyone else in the school already suspected.
For the breed of juvenile delinquents whose restless alienation finds catharsis in questioning authority (and listening to parent-forbidden music riddled with dirty lyrics), Teamm8 presents its Power brief. Made from 95% cotton and 5% elastane, these are the briefs loner Jim Stark, played by James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause, would have worn. Sure, the pink brief would have clashed with his red windbreaker, but he wouldn’t have cared.
For the Harley-riding, leather-booted, diesel boy with the dark and dangerous looks and cocky sneer, ES Collection offers its jockstring, made from 95% cotton and 5% spandex with elastic mesh (80% poliamide and 20% spandex) on the side. The brief offers a superb combination for the H.O.G. who loves his strings but needs a little something to keep his ass riding high even after he comes down from his bike.
For the well-coiffed man dressed head to toe in Ralph Lauren, who says “ugh” about nothing and eschews being within 10 feet of anyone who even appears to be homeless, Freedom Reigns presents the sharp-looking Academy brief. Made from 95% cotton and 5% spandex, it’s a sexy low-rise brief in Ivy League colors that perfectly fulfills every extrinsic desire of the modern prep: The briefs look good, they’re sure to win friends, and because they’re a relatively new brand, everyone will die to know where and how you got them.
The boys of Teamm8 are getting the party started with the latest version of their Nations brief. Made of soft, stretchy cotton with 5% elastane, its lean cut, simple fly front and vibrant color palette set against the classic white waistband have made it a popular brief for fun guys who like to live on the edge. And sorry Miley, they’re not just for those who want to party in the USA. The brief’s booty is emblazoned with several countries’ names, so take your pick and party ‘round the world.
Hang ten, dude, in the Love Boxer by ES Collection. Made from 95% cotton and 5% spandex, these fly threads are stupid tight, almost like a second skin. They also feature a little heart printed on the side; what is more dope than that? As if that’s not enough, check out the awesome fly on the side. It’s black and contrasts insanely with the sick fabric and buttons.