Thomas talks about: Apps to Boyfriends

By Thomas Whitfield

The leading sexual networking app for gay and bisexual men reports having over 27 million unique users. It’s hard to believe this would be a surprise to anyone. Spend more than two minutes in any Chelsea or HK bar and you’ll bounce into at least 20 friendly users under five feet away. People use the apps for different reasons, and sometimes things get complicated.

I met this really cute guy on an app, and we’ve been hooking up. It’s been really great, but when I’ve sent him texts that don’t have to do with sex, he doesn’t respond. I have fun with him, and I’d like to get to know him better, but I just don’t know if his not responding means he has a boyfriend, isn’t horny or just isn’t into me. How can I take things to the next level with him? – Male, Gay 22

If he’s not replying to you unless it’s sexual, then it’s probably safe to say that’s all he’s looking for. This likely has nothing to do with YOU at all, and might just be where he’s at. You can attempt to “date” him, but it could just turn into a lot of heartache. Can you accept it and be happy with it just being sex? If so, then continue the fun. If you can’t, it might be best to find a new buddy to play with. If a guy likes you, he probably won’t be shy to let it show.

When I meet a guy off an app (or even in a bar, but I mostly use apps) I enjoy a good connection. Along with all the other given stuff, I like passionate kissing and prefer to cuddle and stay overnight after. I should also say, I rarely hook up with the same guy more than once. I’m happily single and not looking for a relationship. Guys don’t seem to get the hint though, and I don’t want to be a jerk. Last week a former hookup yelled at me in the middle of a bar. I’d like to avoid that. Ideas? – Male, Gay, 27

Based on what you’ve said, you prefer a more intimate and emotional experience, which might not be something a lot of other users are expecting. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting this experience, but it’s possible that it’s sending a message to your partners that you’re looking for more. A lot of times the things people put under their “looking for” headline isn’t always the truth, and often those who say “friends” or “relationship” are actually looking for “right now,” and vice versa. I’d recommend you make it a point to be very clear with people about how you are in bed, and what your expectations are following. It’s not your responsibility to ensure no one gets attached, but it makes you a better partner to be as clear as possible.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84