Pam Ann’s Top Ten Travel Tips For Winter

1. To avoid being profiled these holidays at customs and immigration, shave those beards my darling Bears and Hipsters to avoid being taken aside into a “private” room and double fisted. Hang on, maybe keep the beards! 
2. If you are snowed in or delayed at the airport terminal because of bad weather, I suggest you download my Pam Ann app and keep entertained by watching all my videos (shameless plug). It’s also a great app for hooking up with Pam Ann frequent flyers and crew. Fuck Grindr! 
3. If you’re flying home somewhere sunny and hot, STOP FUCKING
   EATING CARBS NOW YOU FAT CUNTS! 
4. If you see a small annoying child at the baggage carousel, suggesting they put their fingers in the belt is fun and a great game. 
5. One word: XANAX. 
6. If you’re traveling with drugs to Australia over the holiday season, it’s absolutely fine. Australian Customs are only looking for bananas and fruit. 
7. Keep warm and stay the fuck at home on Grindr. 
8. If you’re staying at any of the Radisson Blu Hotels around the world these holidays, I suggest you pick up a copy of the “Quran for Dummies.” 
9. If you’re traveling with any Arab friends over the Winter months and are bored and looking for some attention just before take off, take out your lap top, open it up and have a countdown from 10 – 1. Look at the passenger sitting next to you and start praying in Arabic gibberish. 
10.  If you see something, say something. I saw a hot guy: He was black, 6’8”, smelled like weed, had low-riding denim jeans, he was running through the terminal presumably late for his flight and wearing a thick gold chain with the word “ISIS.” Oh, hang on, they were $$$$ signs.

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