Thomas talks about: New Year, New You?

By Thomas Whitfield

Shortly after the holidays pass, every gym in New York City is suddenly packed day and night as attempts are made to achieve New Year’s resolutions. Research shows that getting healthy is the #1 resolution across the U.S., followed by getting organized and living life to the fullest. Only about 8% of people achieve their New Year’s goals, but I know how to help you beat the odds!

This isn’t really about relationships, but I guess maybe the relationship with myself. Every year I make a resolution that I’m going to work out more, eat better, yadda yadda yadda, but it just doesn’t end up happening. I last like 10 days, and then I’m just over it. I really want to make some changes to my body, but, like, it’s tough, and I just let one day go by, and then it’s a week later, and I haven’t been back to the gym. Maybe I just don’t want it bad enough? What do you think? – Male, Gay, 24

One of the main reasons people’s change attempts fail is not having a solid plan. First, make specific goals that are MEASURABLE. How many times a week are you going to work out? What are you going to eat? Second, make plans to reach each goal. When will you go to the gym? For how long? When are you going to go buy food? Do you need to do meal prep? Third, stick to it. Science says it takes 21 days for something to become a habit. Commit to meeting your goals for 21 days and then reassess what you’ve accomplished and any changes you need to make. You got this!

My New Year’s resolution is to stop dating terrible guys, or stop trying to date terrible guys. It feels like I’m always finding out certain people are terrible too late. How can I stop this ahead of time? I really want to dedicate this year to quitting this bad habit, but I’m not really sure how. Is this weird? I guess I should probably tell you that I meet most of the guys on apps. Is that the issue? – Male, Gay, 28

It’s possible to meet both amazing and terrible people everywhere: on apps, in bars, at the gym, etc. So, that might not be the key to changing your problem. The hard truth is that you’re the common denominator in all of your relationships. You have to change what you’re doing. There must be some aspect of these people that you’re attracted to without realizing it. Take some time and reflect on these “terrible” people and notice their similarities. Did they play hard to get? Talk down to you? Take jabs at you? And, how long did you ignore it for? I would recommend that you force yourself to go on dates with people who you are not immediately attracted to, and notice when someone does something that hurts you. Take note, and move on.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84