Thomas Talks About: Porn

Every single second 30,000 people are looking at Internet pornography, and over $3,000 is being spent on porn. The industry is estimated to rake in over $100 billion a year. And the people cheered, “We want porn! We want porn!”

Yeah, porn is pretty great, and most research involving gay and bisexual men watching porn finds that almost all gay and bisexual men have recently viewed it or watch regularly. And anything that’s being done frequently is worth examining, right?

Viewing porn and engagement in different sexual behaviors has been examined again and again in research, connecting things like viewing porn featuring condomless anal sex as being associated with more engagement in actual condomless anal sex. Similarly, watching violent pornography has been associated with engaging in violent or aggressive sex.

Keep in mind, “associated with” doesn’t mean

“causes.” And even if this is happening, it isn’t the porn industry’s (or porn actors’) responsibility. Newsflash, porn is not sex education or a how-to guide. It’s entertainment. Unfortunately, for a lot of people (especially gay and bi men), porn does become a form of sex education, because there aren’t a lot of other places to learn about sex. I would challenge you to take a moment and think about your sex life and what you do. How much of it is because you saw it in porn and think that’s what sex is supposed to be like, or that’s how you think you’re expected to act in bed?

The other night I was hanging with my friends, and I said I watch porn for probably an hour a day. They looked at me like I was crazy. Am I watching too much? – Male, Gay, 28

There is a lot of conflicting evidence out there about how much porn or sex is “too much.” I tend to think of it like most other behaviors. Is it getting in the way of other things you want to do? Is it causing you to not take care of yourself, your friends, your relationship, your job, etc.? If the answer to all of those is no, then you’re probably fine. But if the answer is yes, then maybe you could cut down. If you want to take that route, give yourself a hard limit. Maybe the first week you take off 10-15 minutes, and the next week more, until you’re at a time you’re comfortable with. Try to use that spare time on something you view as more productive to your life goals.

I think my dick is average. It’s about six inches, and I like it, but I know it’s not like porn size. I’m always worried the guy I’m fucking isn’t going to like it because it’s not huge. I just feel like everyone is expecting everyone else to be hung. Idk. – Male, Gay, 25

I think within the gay community sexuality is often associated with dick size. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but it’s something that exists. Few people are hung like porn stars, but that’s also why everyone walking down the street doesn’t look like a fashion model—there are certain features or characteristics that make people successful in different careers. It sounds like you’re beating yourself up over something you can’t control, and that sucks. Sure, there are always going to be guys that care about dick size, but if you’re happy with yours and they aren’t, let them find a bigger dick somewhere else—not your problem. If it’s a relationship, there are other work-arounds, like toys, and potentially even an occasional guest star. But first, love yourself, including your D.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84