PRIVATE DANCER

/// By Dean Flaherty

Justin Hernandez admits to having bedded over 500 men in the last five years. At first, he didn’t equate his lifestyle with addiction. He says he found it funny when he would go shopping and wind up having sex with the sales clerk in the dressing room. He eventually became desensitized to sex. So much so that when he began dabbling in stripping and escorting , the money was the real aphrodisiac, not the men . The Bronx native writes about it and other tantalizing secrets in his new memoir, “Inside The Vortex” available on Amazon.com now.

First, you bare your body as a stripper. Now, in your new memoir, you are baring your soul. Is nothing private to you?
[laughs] Yes, clearly I have no problem being physically or emotionally naked for an audience. When I first began working on “Inside the Vortex” I saw that even though certain aspects of my life have been very wild, I was dealing with themes that are universal to everyone. The inner struggle with demons, engaging in deception, making bad decisions in the relationship department we’ve all been there.

You reveal being sexually abused by your stepfather. Is it cathartic to rehash a troubled past?
Definitely. I thought I had a good grasp on what I had been through, but as I worked on the book and delved deeper into my past, I learned so much more about myself. It was torturous and painful at times, but the end result provided me with a lot of inner peace.

Can your stepfather be forgiven?
I don’t know if child molesters can really be fully forgiven. I feel pity for him—and any other grown man—who gets off on taking advantage of a child because I understand that there is something really emotionally fucked up within their psyches. My mom divorced him years ago; she told me he lives in Puerto Rico now, and that’s fine with me. The more distance there is between us, the better.

We all loved “Magic Mike.” But truthfully, is it easy to make a living dropping trou?
I don’t think stripping is demeaning. It’s not like me or any of the guys I worked with were being forced into a sex trafficking ring. We made the conscious decision to strip, and I always had fun whenever I hit the stage. I thoroughly enjoyed performing and the money that came along with it. It wasn’t until I got caught up in the escorting and started drinking heavily again that I stopped laughing.

In the book, you write about your bad behavior, terrible decisions and HIV scares. Did you feel it was important to not romanticize your adventures?
I tell it like it was. Sure there is a certain amount of allure that comes with living dangerously, but I didn’t want to glamorize those aspects of my life and deliver the wrong message. I’m fully aware that many, if not all, of the situations that I placed myself in could have ended far worse.

As someone who has worked as a stripper and an escort, what are your feelings on the recent rash of suicides within the gay porn industry?
I think it puts a spotlight on how lonely and isolating the business can be. The loneliness as you’re coming down off the high of performing can be tough to deal with. There’s also the harsh reality of knowing whatever attention
you receive is fleeting and won’t last forever. These feelings can get the best of a person if they don’t have the proper support system.

You open up about your addictions to sex and drugs. Do you continue to fight the demons?
I’ll fight those demons until I take a dirt nap. I haven’t touched drugs in years. I don’t smoke anymore, and I just completed six months of sobriety. I’m good in those areas. Sex? Well, that’s another story. I have moments when I’m doing well, and then I have times when I relapse into sexual compulsion.

Where do you go from here?
I’m very happy with where I’m at today. I’m single, but I’m not worried about it. A relationship will happen when it’s supposed to. I’m already hard at work on my next book, which is going to be all about my funnier adventures in dating. I’ve met and romanced an array of men who provided me with some comical stories. The goal is to share my experiences and also explore how my addictions factored into the doomed scenarios.

Visit: justinhernandez.net