Thomas talks about: Too Close for Comfort

By Thomas Whitfield

My boyfriend isn’t into all the same stuff as me, like going to concerts, bars or events in the city. We’ve been together for four years, and this hasn’t been a problem. I guess maybe a little in the beginning, but I’ve just accepted that’s who he is. Sometimes when I hang out with other people though, their partners are ALWAYS there. It makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with my relationship. Is it weird that we’re not into all the same stuff or that we don’t go out together very often? -Male, Gay, 32

There is nothing wrong with not doing everything together at all times. This also doesn’t seem to bother you, so don’t make something a problem that isn’t one. Yes, there are a lot of couples that do everything together, but in my experience, those are usually the couples that always argue when you go out with them. You’ve been together for four years. That’s awesome, and clearly you’re doing something that’s working. Part of what makes it work may be how you give each other the space you need to be individuals. It also gives you something more to talk about because you’re experiencing different things.

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of over two years broke up with me. I’m devastated. He was my whole world, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been crying constantly, hardly eating, not sleeping, and I’ve been calling in sick to work. I don’t even have any friends to talk to, because I stopped hanging out with people when he and I got closer. He left me out of nowhere. I feel like such an idiot. I’ve been through breakups before, but this is so much worse. I feel f***ing empty and just over it all. IDK what to do. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time. -Male, Gay, 22

This is one of the downfalls of spending all of your time with someone you’re dating. If it ends, it can feel overwhelming, like your life is over and you have nothing left. This is, of course, not true. You had a life before this person, and you can have one after. Now is a good time for you to reach out to your friends that you lost touch with. If they really care about you, they’ll understand you made some mistakes. I know it hurts now, but you can use this as a learning moment. Remember, it’s always important to have a life outside of your relationship. Make sure you’re getting fulfillment from multiple areas, that way you never feel empty when something doesn’t work out. Take care of yourself now. Force yourself to do things that you know are good for you. Make yourself get out of the apartment, eat healthy food, work out and watch comedies. Treat yourself with as much love as you’d like someone else to treat you. It’ll be OK. xoxo

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84