Thomas talks about: Catfishing

By Thomas Whitfield

I started catfishing my ex on a phone app, and now I can’t stop. Two weeks ago, I was on an app and saw a cropped off pic that I instantly knew was my ex. We don’t talk anymore and it freaked me out, so I quickly blocked him. That night, I was still thinking about how I missed talking dirty with him, so I opened up another account (stupid, I know), grabbed a few pictures off the Internet and sent him a message. He replied right away. I made up a whole story about myself, and now the messaging has been continuing, and he wants to meet up. Obviously this is a terrible idea, but I’m loving talking to him again. Can you see any way out of this where I’m not a monster? -Male, Gay, 22

You basically have two options: 1). Tell him the truth, or 2). Delete the account and knock it off. Neither of those are probably what you’re hoping for, but I don’t see any way this is going to end in your favor. You didn’t mention why you guys ended the relationship, but if you’re not able to talk at all, it probably wasn’t good. If you continue to do this, he is probably going to lose interest anyways after not meeting, and if you don’t stop now, it’s just going to hurt more later. Actually, it would be in your best interest to just tell him it’s you. Be honest and see what happens. The worst is probably that you’ll stop talking again; the best, you rekindle it.

This is going to sound crazy, but for the last three years I’ve been “dating” someone, and now I think he might be catfishing me! We met in a chatroom—yeah, very old school. We talk constantly, but we’ve never Facetimed; he always has an excuse not to. Any time I try to get him to, he tells me I need to trust him. We haven’t met because he lives in Germany. I’d travel for him, but he tells me to save my money. I’m so in love with him, but I’ve also only spoken to him a few times. How can I tell if he’s real or not? -Male, Gay, 36

I feel like this is an actual episode of “Catfish.” Three years is a long time to be talking to someone who you’re not even sure if they are who they say they are. And I have so many questions! Have you asked him if he’s catfishing you? Would you not want to be with him if he is lying? Are you planning to move to Germany, or him here? Is there a future plan for you guys? And, are you in therapy? I’m concerned about how you feel about yourself that you’re willing to ignore a lot of red flags to stay in a relationship that I can’t imagine is satisfying. There is a good chance this guy is hiding something from you, and you gotta face that. Pro tip: Google search those pics and see what else comes up! They may be someone else.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84