PHOTO BY Steve Brennan

The other day, I got a message from an old friend wanting to catch up.

I hadn’t seen him in a long time: to be honest, I’m not sure we’d ever actually hung out before, other than seeing each other out and about and asking the obligatory, “How are you, What have you been up to, How’s the boyfriend?” All the same, I didn’t find it odd that he wanted to get together, and I had a huge crush on him when I was single, so we met at Therapy for a happy hour drink.

I didn’t know a ton about my old friend, so I asked: “How are you, What have you been up to, How’s the boyfriend?”

He was doing well, mostly up to work, and the boyfriend was fantastic. “We’ve just decided to open up our relationship,” he said, smiling. “So he’s been taking full advantage.”
I didn’t know him or his boyfriend well enough to know if he was being bitter, so I just smiled awkwardly. “That’s fun?”

“Oh, it is. I’ve been having threesomes, only not with him—it’s been interesting.”

“Mmhm.” I sipped my margarita.

“How’s your boyfriend, by the way?”

Mmhm. “J’s good, he’s been doing some acting here and there, and—“

“Are you guys open?” He stared at me with his big, bright blue eyes, still holding his empty glass, eager.

“We’re both more the monogamous type,” I started, still sipping. “Not that I have anything against open relationships,” I said, honestly. “I’m a jealous person; monogamy has always been my thing.”

“You two really should try it,” he went on, ordering another drink. Mentally, I checked out.

This old friend of mine wasn’t the first person to ask for a threesome with my boyfriend and I: In fact, he was the sixth. When I started dating a 22 year old, and started posting photos with him, several boys came out of the woodwork, wondering, “How are you, What have you been up to, Can I fuck your boyfriend?”

Not that I don’t find it flattering, on some level… On another level, it’s insulting that they’re coming out now because they want to fuck him. If they wanted to fuck me, they would’ve reached out in January, when I was single.

On another hand, maybe it’s not about fucking him, or fucking me. Is the whole allure wanting to be with a couple?

I’ve only had one threesome, with a friend and his bestie visiting from Australia. I’ve never been with a couple: Could it be, once you go couple, you don’t go back?

And back at Therapy, I looked at my old friend and wondered: Why is it that he wants to be a couple’s third, but doesn’t want a third for his own couple? Is it more fun being the third?

When I told him we don’t have any kind of open relationship, he asked for the check and claimed he had to go back to work for an important meeting. I assumed this was code for, “Going to find someone who is interested,” sat back, and continued sipping my margarita.