Thomas talks about: Throuple Trouble

By Thomas Whitfield

Throuples (romantic and sexual relationships between three people) are becoming more common. I’ve never been in one, but I can see lots of advantages and disadvantages. Based on the letters you sent in, I’m not wrong.

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years before we brought in a third. We’ve all been together now for a year. For the last few months our third and I have been having sex without the other. I think I want to be with just him now, and he’s thinking the same thing. Is it wrong for us to leave our boyfriend? – Male, Gay, 26

The first thing you need to do is have all three of you sit down and discuss what has been going on. Part of being in any relationship is honesty, and that’s something that is missing right now. In
your letter you didn’t

mention how you feel about your other boyfriend. Have you been growing apart? Has there been tension? I’m curious to know if there are things that can be adjusted to keep everyone in the relationship, and if they could be, would you both want to stay? It’s not “wrong” to want to end any relationship. But it’s important to be thoughtful and empathetic to the other person, especially when they are losing two people instead of one.

My partner and I are thinking of bringing in a third to our relationship. We’ve talked about it a little bit, and it just seems like both of us are bored and want something new to spice it up. We’d prefer for it to be a monogamous throuple, but we’re not sure how to decide if we should. Thoughts? – Male, Gay, 33.

It doesn’t sound like you’re looking for a third person to be committed to and equals with; it sounds like you’re bored and want to have threesome. Adding someone to an already existing relationship can be tricky. If you’re having trouble deciding, maybe test out the waters a little bit and have a detailed conversation about rules and what you’d be looking for in another boyfriend. All types of couples have different rules, so make sure you’re all on the same page from the beginning and don’t jump into anything too fast.

For three years I’ve been dating the two most wonderful men in the world, and I want to bring them home with me to my family’s lake house to meet everyone. They know I’m gay, and they’re supportive, but they don’t know I’m dating two people. How do I tell them? – Male, Gay, 25

It’s impossible to know how they will respond. You could tell them before going that you’re dating both people, or just tell them you’re bringing people with you. Then slowly tell your family that you’re dating both of them over the course of your stay. Hopefully, after they’ve spent some time getting to know them, they will see them as the wonderful people you do. There is nothing wrong with being in a throuple, but sometimes it can take people a moment to adjust, even when they’ve been supportive in the past.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84