By Thomas Whitfield
I surprised my boyfriend of four months with a special night out for his 28th birthday two days ago. We got in a small spat after having a few drinks and he stopped talking to me for the rest of the night. We still spent the night together, but in silence. I tried talking to him before he left in the morning, but he gave me nothing. We’ve talked every day since we met, always texting, and now NOTHING. He won’t even answer a call from me, but I know he’s fine because he has posted on IG. I have no idea what happened, and I’m really anxious. We even had plans to spend the holidays together. IDK what to do, and I’m hurt. -Male, Gay, 29
If you’ve been dating for four months, calling each other boyfriend
and planning for the holidays, then simply disappearing is not appropriate. You’re both adults, and the silent treatment is pathetic. If he needs space, he needs to use his big boy words and say it. I’m sorry this is happening to you; it’s very frustrating when people don’t communicate what they’re thinking or feeling. It makes sense that you’re hurt—I would be too. More importantly, this dude is showing you how he handles conflict, and it’s not good. This will suck to hear, but unless he comes back with a VERY good reason, move the f*ck on.
I work with my best friend, and she is sort of having guy trouble with someone she just started dating maybe like three months ago. They keep taking breaks, on again off again, all that dramatic shit. She’s so freaking moody when things with him aren’t going well and then acts like she’s on cloud nine when everything is fine. It’s like a whiplash day to day entirely dependent on if this guy is nice to her or not. To make it worse, when things aren’t perfect with him, she takes it out on everyone else. She’s always like this with guys, and it’s so annoying. Should I tell her to knock it off or just wait for this relationship to inevitably end so she’s stable again? -Male, Gay, 27
Good friends are able to both give and receive feedback. It’s possible that she doesn’t realize how much her moods are connected to this guy or how she takes it out on others. Whether she likes the feedback or not, it’s something she should be made aware of. However, how you provide that feedback is very important. I’d wait for the right moment and start with something like, “I noticed something recently, and I’m curious if you’ve noticed it too.” Then ask her if she’s noticed how her mood seems to be really attached to what’s going on in her relationship. Try not to accuse her of anything and just be open to exploring it with her. “Stop acting like a bitch because of this guy!” is probably not going to get you very far.