By Thomas Whitfield
I’m afraid that my boyfriend has become just a friend, and I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for 2.5 years, live together, have a shared bank account and have a lot of plans for our future. I feel extremely close to him and love spending time together; rather, it’s just the two of us or out with friends. And of course, here is the big but… we haven’t been having sex. Like, it’s probably been almost a full year since like sex sex. We don’t talk about it. I don’t think either of us is even interested. As much as I don’t want to, maybe we’re supposed to end it? – Male, Gay, 31
People who live together, share accounts and have plans for the future are definitely more than just friends. You’re not experiencing the sex life that you want, and there are a lot of different things you can do about that. All of them require talking to your partner about sex, something you’re doing very little of. Why are you avoiding the elephant in the room? There is no one person that is going to meet EVERY single need you have. And for you guys, that might be sex. You need to talk to him about your sex life, what you want, what he wants and how you can both have your needs met. Maybe it’s having that need met together, maybe separately. In order to stay with this person, you may have to expand your concept of a healthy relationship.
I’ve been seriously dating someone for about six months. Things are mostly going well. This is my first real relationship, and I think our only issue is that he gets mad at me when I go out without him, which isn’t fair because I always invite him and he never wants to come. I don’t even mean to just bars, but concerts, movies, whatever. I’m fine with him not always having to come; I don’t think couples are supposed to do everything together. But he gets so mad at me that now I’ve just stopped doing the things I want to. How do other couples deal with stuff like this? – Male, Gay, 22
There are three ways couples deal with this. 1) The person who goes out all the time stops going out and resents their partner. 2) The couple stays together and fights all the time —we all know those two. 3) The couple breaks up. You’re young, and this person is obviously controlling. It’s your first relationship, and I know it might feel terrible, but how he’s acting isn’t OK, and you need to end it. If you’re out at bars every night of the week until 4 a.m. and he’s worried about you, that’s a different story. But getting mad when you go to the movies and concerts with other people and he doesn’t want to go? Thank U, Next.
Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: ThomasTalksAbout@gmail.com Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84
