Thomas talks about: Roommates

By Thomas Whitfield

In NYC, having roommates at any age is common. It’s great to have people to split the rent with, but it comes with a price. Along with becoming your best friend, they might eat your food, wreck your stuff and decide to have a party when you’re trying to sleep. I once had a roommate come home in a drunken stupor only to piss all over the living room furniture and then fall asleep in the hallway after vomiting on himself. Having roommates is just part of the fun of living in NYC.

My roommate has a lot of sex, but all over the apartment. I came home the other day, and he was literally getting drilled on the living room couch, which is mine. I tried talking to him before, but nothing changed. Should I kick him out? – Gay, Male, 22

I’d try to have another conversation with him

before you kick him out. You both have bedrooms and a shared space, so he should be using his bedroom. If he really wants to use the shared space, he should at least wait for a time when he knows you 100% won’t be home. Lay down some solid rules, and let him know that if he breaks them you’re going to have to find a new roommate. As for the furniture, it’s annoying, but at least he isn’t using your bed. If he stains it, he pays for it.

A few weeks ago I hooked up with my roommate, and now he wants to date me. I was just horny, and I like him—just not to date. Now I feel like I can’t bring anyone else home, and he keeps doing nice things for me. I don’t want to lose a good roommate or a friend. Can I fix this? – Gay, Male, 26

“Don’t shit where you eat,” but you did, so what to do now? You need to be clear with him about how you feel. If you wait too long and just hope he’s going to get the hint, things are only going to get more awkward and his feelings hurt—which could hurt any potential of staying friends. In the future, if you’re going to sleep with a roommate or friend, have a conversation before about what it does and doesn’t mean. People can’t always help how they feel afterwards, but at least you will have been upfront from the beginning.

My roommate passed out after a night out, but his boyfriend and I stayed up. We were pretty wasted and started making out. Before I knew it, we were blowing each other. In the morning, he told me he needs to tell my roommate, and I convinced him not to. Now, again, he says he wants to, because he feels guilty, and I’m afraid it’s going to ruin my friendship with my roommate. How do I stop him? – Gay, Male, 23

You don’t stop him; it’s his relationship, and if he wants to tell his boyfriend, you can’t get in his way. It sounds like they’re monogamous and he fucked up, but you can absolutely expect your “best friend” to be pissed at you. And for good reason. There is an outside chance he won’t be mad, but I wouldn’t count on it. Looking for a new apartment might be in your cards.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84