Thomas talks about: Long Distance

By Thomas Whitfield

I need to break up with my girlfriend, but I’ve been avoiding it, partially because she lives in California and I’m here. She was bi-coastal, but now her job switched and she never travels. We went from seeing each other almost every week to now once every two months. It has been over a year, but I’m ready to end it. What’s the best way? – Female, 22, Gay

I think distance after a breakup is very important, so it’s great that you’ll automatically have that. As much as I think breaking up in person is best, it’s difficult when you’re doing long distance. You don’t want the person to come for a visit, have a great weekend and then end it Sunday night. Text is absolutely a no go—in ANY situation (more than a couple dates). Over the phone can be OK, but I’d recommend via cam (FaceTime, Skype, etc.). Even when messy, breakups are an important part of a relationship and should treated with care. Visually seeing the other person can be difficult, but it’s also more connected and shows you care about the person, even if you don’t want to be together anymore.

I’m about to enter into something long distance for a year. It’s part of getting my degree, and I’m afraid of what it’s going to do to my relationship. We’ve been together for over four years, and I think we’ll be fine, but I’m very nervous. Thoughts? – Male, 28, Gay

There is going to be an adjustment period, for sure. I’m guessing that after four years you’re probably going from seeing each other every day to not at all. You know this is coming up, so I think you can do some planning for it. For sex, there are the options of phone sex, buying toys, camming. You could also plan a weekly date night where you both get on cam, eat dinner and watch the same movie together. Oh, and there are board games you can play together via your phones, which although they may sound dorky, they allow you to stay connected and experience things together while apart.

My boyfriend moved in with me after six months from D.C. I was really looking forward to it, but now it’s been over a month, and I don’t think it’s working—he drives me nuts. I thought living together would make it easier. Is this normal? – Male, 25, Gay

Moving in together is a big step, especially when it also means moving to a new city. You know that saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder”? Well, it can also mean growing fonder because you’re not seeing all the things you might not like. Six months is quick to move in. If you want to try to make the relationship work, address it. I’m sure he has noticed a difference too. Then, decide what’s best for both of you and the relationship. Moving out for now doesn’t mean forever, or that the relationship has to end.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84