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By Thomas Whitfield

I caught my boyfriend jerking off on cam, and I’m pissed. We never explicitly said that wasn’t OK, but we say we’re monogamous, and I didn’t think I needed to go over every possible thing that doesn’t fall into that category. He told me it’s not a big deal because they weren’t actually having sex, and it’s no different than watching porn, but I totally think it is. He said he wouldn’t care if I did it, but I think he’s just saying that to try and minimize it. I know it isn’t ACTUAL physical cheating, but it still really hurts. I think he wants to keep doing it, so should I just let it go? -Male, Gay, 23

If you’ve agreed on being monogamous together, then this
is definitely outside the bounds of that agreement. I agree with you that there is no reason to have to go over every single possibility, and I’d argue that people know if something is or isn’t OK. In my opinion, he’s just trying to get out of trouble, which is another issue. It’s now not that he just made a mistake, it sounds like he’s not acknowledging it and gaslighting you. I don’t objectively think what he did is the worst thing in the world, but he has to own up to it, and you guys have to agree on what’s OK and what isn’t, then move on.

One of my kinks is watching live webcams of guys jerking off. A couple days ago I was on one and saw one of my straight female coworker’s boyfriend on there beating off, full face and all. I couldn’t believe it, because she’s always talking about how they’re only with each other and so in love and blah blah. To be totally honest, she a little self-righteous about it, and I love that he’s on there. Oh, and it was a gay site, so guys were watching him. I haven’t said anything to her about it, and of course I subscribed to his channel (I mean, it was hot). Should I tell her I saw him? It’s so difficult to not just blurt it out. -Male, Gay, 21

You need to stay in your lane and stay out of it. Even if this was an actual friend and not just a coworker, you don’t know the ins and outs of other people’s relationships. It also doesn’t seem like you’re concerned about her or her feelings, you just want to rub it in her face. Note from someone who’s a bit older, if anyone is constantly talking about how great their relationship is, it’s generally pretty shitty, and they’re overcompensating. Another thing to consider, this is a coworker, and even bringing this up at work, to her or anyone else, could be sexual harassment. Keep it to yourself and enjoy the shows.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: ThomasTalksAbout@gmail.com Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84

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