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When going to an underwear party, the most important decision is, naturally: which pair of underwear do I wear? I wanted something slutty enough to say “Take me home” but not slutty enough to say, “Take me to the back room.” I selected a new pair of very thin briefs and a pair of knee-high American Apparel socks. I made the mistake of pregaming at home. A few rum and Cokes in, my logic wandered,...