JOHN HILL -IS GOING ON TOUR AND GEMMA IS A FAT C**T

John Arthur Hill has taken hilarious and hysterical to the next level and beyond. As the co-host of Andy Cohen Live on SiriusXM’s RadioAndy channel 102, John has entertained morning audiences for almost a decade. Aside from also hosting his own show “The John Hill Show”, a weekly live morning show, he has dipped into his Broadway talents while creating and producing pop-culture original music including “Gemma (Pretty Much I) (I Live NY/Tiffany Pollard)”, which seems to be about ugly shoes and the fact that Gemma is a fat c**T. 

John Hill is a writer, performer, host and the funniest person I’ve come across in a very long time. He is on tour this summer with his latest stand-up show in L.A., Austin, Dallas, Provincetown, Nashville and New York. 

John Hill uses his humor and creativity as a means to push open the heavy, groaning doorway of life itself. Speaking to him felt like an enforced visit to an imaginary realm in the best possible way. His personality and his response to my questions orgasmically captured the essence of a vibrant kaleidoscope.

INTERVIEW

I wonder if you could describe the inspiration for some of your songs. For example, why is Gemma a fat cunt?

This song is based on a legendary quote from the iconic Tiffany Pollard (I love New York). To me, she is this generation’s John the Baptist. Whenever she speaks, she inspires my Conservative Christian upbringing roots. I was so inspired by that epic read that I had to immortalize it in a Christian gospel pop rock Christmas song. That song has been out for months and by the way, it starts with a clip so that people can understand what I’m saying. Because I’m not saying that Gemma is a fat cunt. It’s just an homage to this epic read. The video starts with that. A bunch of straight guys made that video with me. They were like, what is this? Instagram just found it and they shadow banned me for bullying and harassment. Because they were saying that I was bullying Gemma. Which I was, but now people can’t even find the song. Because I’ve been shadow banned.

Well, you have a really good voice. When I first heard it, I was surprised. I thought, “This guy can really sing”.

At least I’m not disappointing my mom. She paid a lot of money for voice lessons.

Well, tell your mother it paid off. Just for that song alone.

She actually came to see the show in Austin last week. She had a great time. I was very nervous, but she loved it.

So what’s gooning? 

Oh, do you not know what gooning is?

I don’t. I was going to look it up and then I said, “You know what, I’m just gonna ask”.

Oh, I’m so glad I get to be the one to tell you. It’s so filthy. Gooning, there is an urban dictionary definition for the word gooning. And just like the Gemma song, I was so inspired by the poetry of that urban dictionary definition that I immortalized it in a song. Gooning is masturbation so intense it sends you into a state of psychosis. It’s like masturbating and then edging, but it’s 10 times beyond that. You don’t orgasm but you prolong it so long that your expressions become psychotic. You can’t think. You can’t operate or function in a daily life. There’s this whole community online of these guys who just goon all day long. Their eyes go cross. Their tongues hang out. They can’t function. The facial expression is what it’s all about. They’re crazy. There are people that make it their kink, their fetish. The gooning community, by the way, is very supportive.

Can you recall a moment that changed the entire trajectory of your life?

Getting sober. I was such a mess. When I was a writer at Watch What Happens Live, I was there for years and years and years. I was a TV producer. I was on Broadway for many years. And for most of those years, I was a tapped out, gooned out mess. It took me a while, but I finally decided it was time to clean up my act. Get my life together. And it took forever, but when I finally figured it out, I feel like my life totally changed for the better.

Are you still thinking straight every day of your life?

Well, that’s debatable. I got sober and clear headed, but also sick and twisted in the mind. I’m able to function, but yeah, my music comes out as “Gemma is a fat cunt”.

What do you hope the audience that sees you will take away from the show? What do you hope they’re thinking afterwards?

I hope they’re thinking, “Where can I get this guy?” I just want them to laugh. I want them to have a good time and I want them to tell their friends to come see me and the cities that they live in because I need people to come to my  shows. I want them to take away that we live in a sick society. That social media is killing our minds. And while we are going down in flames, just smoke them while you got them.

What does your soul look like? 

On the outside, I may look like a guy blending in, but on the inside, my soul would look like a Birkenstock wearing, flannel shirt wearing lesbian at Lilith Fair in 1998.

What are your biggest challenges in your careers?

The biggest challenge right now is establishing myself as a solo performer with my own voice because most fans know me as a package deal twosome with Andy Cohen because of our morning radio show. Other than that things are very good at the moment!

You do a lot of things. How do you find the time for it? Do you do it all together? Do you multitask? What’s your deal?

I think I figured out as I got older that I cannot sit down and write something on a laptop. So I can do all of the things that I do if I get to do them the way I want to do them. Lot of times I’ll prep my new social media video on a hike. I just really look focused if I sit down. Really, I think the answer to your question is Celsius energy drinks. That is my main source of hydration. As long as I have about eight a day, I can pretty much crush every task I have.  

So, being the attention whore that you are, is there anything that I left out that you want to talk about?

Maybe what do I look for in a potential boyfriend. That would be supportive, dark-haired, dark eyes, cool, funny guy. Possibly a stoner, even though I don’t smoke pot. I don’t mind a Scorpio. And also the inside soul of a lesbian like me.