Thomas talks about: Ex Marks the Spot

By Thomas Whitfield

NYC is big enough that you’d think it would be easy to never bump into your exes. But as most anyone can tell you, they always seem to be right around the corner when you’re least expecting it. However, if you’re keeping in touch with them or still having sex together, it’s clearly more intentional.

My ex and I broke up a year ago; we had been together for over two years. I found out he had been cheating on me almost the entire time we were together, and I dumped him. It really broke my heart, and I literally spent months crying. I blocked him right away on everything, said I was done and moving on. A week ago I ran into him at a bar, unblocked him, and he has been hitting me up wanting to have sex. I, like, want to, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. He’s hot, and my friends think I should just do it, but IDK. – Male, Gay, 23

It sounds like you were really hurt by this person, and this break up wasn’t just because things weren’t working out. I have plenty of friends who have slept with their exes, and usually the messier the breakup, the messier hooking up after is. It’s tough, because a lot of the time our exes might know exactly what to say or do to get us off. But is it worth the drama? Chances are, he hasn’t changed, so if you’re thinking of dating him again, you’re asking for trouble. But only sex? There are tons of hot guys in NYC—instead of walking down the same street again, take a different path.

I can’t stop sleeping with my ex. Please help me! We broke up a while ago, and every time I drink we end up texting and then having sex. It’s so stupid, because I know it’s not going anywhere, but I keep doing it. I’m always mad at myself after, but it always feels so good in the moment. I think I lie to myself and say that it’s fine and that I won’t care, but I always do. I almost feel like I’m weak to him or something, and it makes me wonder if maybe I’m just not over him? Oh, and when I start to date other people, he comes around more, which I know is fucked up, right? – Male, Gay, 21

So, do you want to move on or not? That’s the first question you have to answer. If the answer is no, then keep doing what you’re doing. If the answer is yes, then stop sabotaging yourself. You can be up front and tell him you need space, or just cut him off. Delete his number, block it, and avoid him. Maybe later you can be friends, but if you want to move on, you have to make it more difficult for yourself to contact him. Stop being your own enemy.

Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: [email protected] Instagram: @ThomasWhitfield84