By Thomas Whitfield
I started going back to school in spring and made some new friends. In the beginning my boyfriend was very supportive, but now he has become borderline possessive. I’m hanging out with all females, but if I’m out with them and don’t respond to his text or call right away, he freaks out. Over the weekend he sent me 20 texts in a row! I didn’t even see them until the morning because my phone died, and I went to sleep when I got home. He was saying things like, “Why would you do this to me?” He wasn’t like this before. Now he’s just being passive aggressive. I don’t know how to handle this! -Male, Gay, 25
Congrats on going back to school, that’s huge! It seems like your boyfriend might be feeling left out, like you’re back in school, making new friends, and maybe he feels like you don’t need/want him anymore? It probably comes back to a fear that he might lose you. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to change anything about what you’re doing, though; this is really his issue. I think it would be the healthiest for your relationship if he did some work on controlling his anxiety and discussing his fears with you so he doesn’t act out. Come up with an agreement that works for both of you. If he just wants you to stop going out or hanging with your friends, you have to decide if it’s worth it (and it’s not).
I’m finally in my first relationship! And yeah, like, super excited about it! We’ve been dating for a few months, and everything is going smoothly. BUT, my BFF commented that he’s always holding my hand, and now I can’t get it out of my head. If we’re walking down the street, at a bar, sitting on the couch, at the dinner table, he’s always grabbing my hand. We were at a house party for Pride, and when I pulled away, he accused me of not wanting other people there to know we were together. That wasn’t the case; my hand was literally just sweaty. I’m only 18, but my BFF told me it’s a sign and I need to stay away from him. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! -Male, Gay, 18
Holding hands is definitely a very socially acceptable form of public affection, and I think for a lot of gay men holding hands in public can be very liberating. Also, in the beginning of a relationship, it’s common for more little displays of affection. Yeah, this does seem fishy though, especially the outburst at the party. You guys are just getting to know each other, and this could be a red flag, but I don’t think you need to run away yet. If you don’t want to hold hands all the time, tell him. This shouldn’t be relationship ending, and if he continues to treat it like it’s a huge deal—well, that’s a red flag.