New York Nightlife’s Sexual Revolution
History (or at least my Facebook newsfeed) tells me that when the weather grows warmer, many of NYC’s gay relationships hit the rocks as we exchange our sweaters and jackets for torn-up tank tops and barely-there bathing suits. Conversely, I’ve seen that when the snow starts falling, gay men will fly together into unions and forge relationships to keep each other warm through the wintry months.
Except, interestingly, that does not seem to be happening this time around.
It appears that gay New Yorkers are embracing a new sexual revolution. Just look at the sudden explosion of private-label, invite-only “XXX” events, whether in brownstones in Brooklyn, penthouses in midtown or in your friends’ two-bedroom apartments when their roommates are out in LA for the week. We gay New Yorkers are feeling our oats, and very interested in feeling up the oats of our fellow gay men.
What’s going on? Who knows! Perhaps it’s the existence of PREP and the increased safety of sex. Perhaps, ever on the cutting-edge of everything, gay New Yorkers have grown tired of one-on-one exploits and want to live out their fantasies of multiple-partner play that they’ve been watching in porn since they were 16 years old.
All I know is that when I re-launched my Slutty Underwear Party series with Bobby LaSalle and Shameless on the third Thursday of every month, we couldn’t keep the boys away. The darkened rooms were filled to the brim with guys in jockstraps that were clearly never purchased for any sporting reasons. My eyes were practically falling out of my head. Here it was, chilly outside, and the friction-induced body heat indoors was better than any roaring fire.
New Yorkers are horny. They’re feeling wild. They want to explore. And who are we to tell them that they shouldn’t? I am fully in support of the exploration. Lord knows I am now 34 years old, and I still do not feel like I have fully completed my exploration of what turns me on, what does not turn me on, and what possibly could turn me on if I’m with someone who makes me feel safe and comfortable enough to explore my curiosity.
Judgment, it seems, still runs pretty high in regards to this sort of partying. The “Sluts” and “Whores” come raining down in a shame storm pretty often on my newsfeed. It’s unfortunate, really, that we back ourselves into these self-imposed corners as a community. In my opinion, if you’re being safe and smart and want to do a bit of exploring, either with your romantic partner or on your single own, you have every right to do so. We should allow no one to tell us how we can live our lives.
Even couples that I know are getting into the swing of things, so to speak. Just the other week two friends of mine informed me that they and six other committed couples share their sexual exploits via Snapchat. A sort of couples sex Fight Club that I guess they broke the first and second rule of when they informed me of its existence.
Either way, I think we are way past due for getting down with our bad selves. Sex belongs to each of us, and it’s ours to have however we damn well please. If we want to go out and get wild then that is our own business and our own pleasure. Plus, all that action will keep us warm through January and February.
Be safe; that’s all I ask. Keep your head on, and make smart choices. Now get out there and have some fun, boys. I’ll be doing exactly the same.
XO Justin Luke
Justin Luke is one of New York’s premiere gay party producers and promoters and the co-owner of the nightlife company BoiParty. He is also a six-time published author and entrepreneur.